I'm lost and stupid without you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
