The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
