Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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