I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
