their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
