I think my fart just growled at me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
