Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!