so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?