True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.