His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
