How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
