my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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