This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
