I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
