16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
