Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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