Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
im on a boat
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