I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
