Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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