I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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