i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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