Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
