You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
