he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I touched a dick in church today
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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