I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
