How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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