guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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