He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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