Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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