Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize