I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
