So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
