P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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