guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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