i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
