I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
