is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
