Welp...herpes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
