fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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