I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
