what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
