DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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