just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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