All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
