Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
