If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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