I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
