The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
