ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
