this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
