I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
