I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
