How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
