There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
