Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
we should paint friendship bongs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
