Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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