dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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