So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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