her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
