I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
