you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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