Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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