it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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