benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
