I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
