Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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