ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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