I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
