I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
