if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
