Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
