New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
