Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
